She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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