that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
