Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
