its not stalking. its research.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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