He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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