there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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