no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
