Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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