ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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