Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
