At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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