Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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