all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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