The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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