I want to make a zoo with you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
