He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
