ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
