No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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