Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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