dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
