Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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