My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
