I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
