Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
