We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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