clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
