don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
