Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
this boner is exhausting
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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