Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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