I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
