There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
