I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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