It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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