I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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