I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
