Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
