This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
