Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
