3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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