Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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