omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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