I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
be right there i have to get my cape
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
