think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
