Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
