When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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