hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
