my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
