It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
