I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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