You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
