If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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