I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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