someone get that fucking seahorse.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
