smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
