i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
