Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
