I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
