It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
