i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
